If I had to think about the possible hardest moment of my short life so far, it would have to be around this time last year, waking up to the text of my final school results.
I knew that my ATAR wasn’t going to be pretty, and I told myself that I didn’t care, and that I was going to be fine, but seeing the number was painful. I think it was something like a 37.55.
Look it only took a day or so to get over it, and move on (and I have most definitely moved on), but it was a full day of people asking, me not wanting anyone to know, and figuring out what my next move is.
It’s a hard pill to swallow, seeing the score. There is nothing you can do to change it, but a lot of people are left to wonder how they will now go about the following year. And everyone’s situation is different, which makes it even worse when you didn’t go as well as you thought, and everyone else is celebrating.
My journey to somewhere other than where I am right now, has been going painfully slow since I returned from New York. I think some people won’t be able to grasp what Taylor is talking about on the opening track of 1989. I came back with so much desire and commitment to make dreams come true. The desire is still there but I don’t know what to do with myself at the moment. I’m not sure if I just need to find something to do that I love, or is it me being here that is driving me crazy. Maybe I can’t succeed in Melbourne.
I’ve now seen that Andy Cohen (whose twitter account is @Andy, how cool is that) is releasing a second book. I’ve never finished his first, but I must order this one online sometime, as Australian book stores have the most minimalistic range of products, and Barnes and Nobel is not a thing here. While I was on Andy Cohen’s wikipedia page, I somehow stumbled to the entry for the GE BUilding, which is getting a name change to the Comcast Building. Are they crazy. Nobody loves change. My need for Andy Cohen’s book is due to my obsession of autobiographies lately. In this last month I have brought books by Stephen Fry, Lenny Hayes, Joe Hildebrand, Amy Poehler, Grace Helbig, Hannah Hart, and Adam Boland. I thought they would inspire me. Ha. I think its done the opposite.
Sometimes I feel like I’m being to hard on myself. Other times I feel like I’m not being hard enough on myself. It’s strange how the mind works.
I remember hearing someone saying Fleetwood Mac was the most overrated band in the world. My thought was “who gave you the right to have that opinion”. Even though I thought they were one of the best bands in the world, and still do, I realise that he did have a right to his opinion.
In this twitter age that we live in, it has become more accessible to not only put your opinion out there, but have a screen to hide behind, leading to a overly critical feel to all things pop culture.
Now although I do look into a lot of things, and yes I do tweet along to some television shows, I try to stay away from being too negative. It takes something of really bad quality to get me so dissatisfied and to put a tweet out there. Adam Sandler’s ‘Jack & Jill’ comes to mind in this instance. He is lucky I was on a plane and wasn’t able to tweet anything. In the end I won, by stopping the film thirty minutes in.
A show that everyone has been critical of lately is Saturday Night Live. Sure maybe the show hasn’t been to a standard it has been to in the past, but looking back there have been lot’s of points in the shows forty year run, when everyone was saying the magic was gone, only for the show to come back stronger than ever. Is tweeting out week after week that the current cast and crew of SNL are sucking going to help them achieve anything great? Nope, most likely will only make them feel worse about their performance, when they are already under a huge amount of stress doing a show live week after week. So maybe next time while you’re watching the show, and you’re not enjoying it, turn off the television, instead of tweeting, and then come back in two years. Because I’m sure by then, we will have some massive stars on our hand, and the praise will be flowing in for how good the show is again.
I always find it hard to discuss what music I like because it can be quite varied. Now I’m not saying my music tastes are that disperse, or that I’m “sa indie” for having a mix of Kanye, John Mayer, The Beatles, and Taylor Swift in my most played, but at they end of the day it is quite a mix of artists. So I thought I share my top one-hundred most played on iTunes, as it is a peek into what I listen to most, and also as these songs kind of form a collection of the sounds coming out of bedroom over the last two years.
For a while now I’ve had a few inspirational quotes stored in the notes on my phone. The only time I really look at them, is when I’m without Wi-Fi or a 3G connection, so boredom kicks in and I go through things that don’t require the internet. Once again this week, for a day, I was without the internet, and it got me thinking about the quotes that I had kept for a while now. These days, every second post on tumblr is a quote, whether it be from a celebrity, or just a saying that has stuck over time. So since I’m always seeing words of wisdom, I forget to acknowledge, and appreciate them. Just like if you worked in a art gallery, you might forget your surroundings and the amazing artworks on the walls. I decided to fix this dilemma by starting a notebook filled with quotes. And I couldn’t think of a better cover for my “book of quotes” than The Beatles crossing Abbey Road.
It’s currently 1.23 A.M, and although I’ve had a productive night, it feels as though my year so far has not been. I spent the last few hours of New Year’s Eve 2013, thinking of how I could further my life in 2014. And instead of actually doing those things, it feels like I’ve spent more time thinking about them. It has all come down to time. With a terrible sleeping pattern, and some odd working hours, some days disappear into thin air without me even realizing. The sleeping pattern is fixable but the annoying working hours are not. This has me thinking more about how I can change this problem of mine, to dream just as big, but to accomplish more. And I’ve came to the conclusion that I need more focus on me, from now on. That sounds terribly self centered doesn’t it? But it’s true. I don’t want to look back on this year as a waste of time. I guess I can class the first odd 120 days of the year as my “Gap Year”, and from the month of May onwards I can call this “my year”. I guess I’m putting this here as a public reminder for myself, to grow a bigger profile, and spend my time doing things I want to be doing, not things I should be doing. Now I’m off to bed to watch some 30 Rock (Season 2 Episode 5 – “Greenzo”, such a classic featuring David Schwimmer), and if I feel inspired afterwards I might read some of George R R Martin’s A Game Of Thrones (I’m finally more than half way through, and just like Season One, it’s now starting to get interesting. Side note: I always enjoy debating with myself where Varys true allegiance is with).