The Heart’s Desire

I feel lost in the direction of my life. The word lost is an overstatement, but right now I don’t really care enough to find a word closer to the emotion. It’s like, I see where I want to be in ten years, sort of, but don’t know how to get there. Thinking about me being twenty-nine is pretty strange. Unfortunately for me there is no guide book or how to for dummies to be a successful journalist slash internet personality slash lovable personality that may make his way onto television. A few years back I was struggling with what I wanted to do for the rest of my life (still am), but I decided I wanted to work in the surroundings of pop culture, so I decided I wanted to be an entertainment journalist, whether it be in print or on screen, or both. Somehow I’ve always found it hard telling people this, and now I think it might be because I don’t want to lock myself down into one thing.

The other day I watched a live show Donald Glover did called “Weirdo” on Youtube. For those of you who don’t know, Glover started out on the witting staff at “30 Rock” the year he graduated from NYU. In 2009 he became more well known for his work as a cast member on “Community”, until he left to focus on his musical career where he performs under stage name Childish Gambino. So after eight years in the spotlight Glover has done acting, stand-up, and made a music name for himself. That’s what I call not getting locked down.

Most people who know me now days wouldn’t know that I took acting classes between grades 2-7, and was also in a few of my high school musicals. Throughout all of this, I never considered acting as a career. For the most part this is due to me not being a serious person. Now looking back, whenever I wasn’t being serious, was when I was enjoying myself the most. During acting classes I was given a small plot and given time to prepare something to perform for two or three minutes. More times than not, little planning was done, so an act would be created as it went, which I preferred.

The death of Robin Williams got me thinking about acting, and to a greater extent, comedy more. Is there anything better than being able to make people laugh? More so, I feel someones laughter means they enjoy hearing you speak. I can’t think of anything better than that.

Similar to how Josh Thomas has titled his show “Please Like Me”, I feel this runs true for me. Although they may need to change it to Please Love Me. Not that I’m looking for love, but I feel that you can like someone without really enjoying their company.

So anyway tomorrow I will try harder to do something in the life of Jayden. I plan to put a vlog on Youtube just to talk about everything Pop Culture, but I always feel like I’m trying too hard when I film myself. Like if you were to hear me speak about certain events in real life, they would be told in a different way. I guess it’s because you can’t edit in real life.

When I started writing down my thoughts here, I was listening to “The Kids Don’t Stand A Chance” by Vampire Weekend, which lead to Simon & Garfunkel’s Bridge Over Troubled Water album, which has now rolled into Poses by Rufus Wainwright. it was all pretty low key music in terms of tempo and sound, that is when you take “Cecilia” out of the mix, but I wanted want to do that. And now Wainwright’s lush production is getting a bit to much, so I’m going to cut him off and put on Survivor Gabon. So that ends my little stream of consciousness writing for the night, and after it all, I still haven’t found what I’m looking for (nice U2 reference), but i didn’t think I would in a hour of putting down my thoughts.

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