the failed cover letter

A few months ago I applied for a job I knew I had no chance of getting, but I went for it anyway. My low expectations were well thought out, and meant I was not disappointed in any way. Here’s a terrible cover letter a used in my application.

As you can see from my resume, I have very little experiance and no degree. I have Kanye to thank, in part, for that. See ‘The Collage Dropout’ lead me to believe you could get anywhere in life without a degree. I was once talking about this in class in reference to myself, when a teacher jumped in and said only “creative types” could get away with not having a degree while having a career.

I also have myself to thank for why I currently don’t have a degree. While I was meant to be studying in the final years of school, I was too busy focusing on what was happening in the entertainment world.

TRUE STORY: One time while on Twitter in class I broke the “news” that Josh from ‘Big Brother’ 2012 would be leaving due to his brothers death. I was so proud of myself at the time.

No degree aside, I feel like I would be a perfect fit for the job of Staff Writer at Buzzfeed. I’m young, and would never fit the typical mould of a journalism student, just as Buzzfeed doesn’t fit the mould of your typical website. I feel like I have a knowledge and grasp on pop culture that others my age wouldn’t (knowledge is important as time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge. If knowledge comes after time, money and PIZZA it must be important. Lastly I believe that I am highly motivated to get results and get things done. As someone who has posted content online for the last two years with varying degrees of success, I know how it feels like not get the views or clicks you were hoping for. Every time this has happened, I’d pick myself up and try harder next time.

Lastly I’d like you to know I realise there is a very slim chance of me getting this job. To quote Jeff Probst: “(Contestant) has 0.00% of winning this game”. He has said this a fair few times before a season of ‘Survivor’ will start in interviews to press. The funny thing is a few times the people he thinks have no chance, have so much determination that they win the game. Maybe that will be me. The one that nobody expects to achieve anything gets to accomplish great?

I’ll end this letter with that reference to the greatest reality television show of all time, and with myself thanking you for even giving this letter any of your time.

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